i wonder

if you are dead?

i never

heard

back

cry out to you...

" the police just came... i have to go down to the station..

i am so scared... pray for me..."

2 hours later

"call me later... i am in big trouble

but i am too upset to

talk to you

right now"

3 hours later

i know nothing

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

4 hours later

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Lord God, I ask for the wisdom

to stand out of the way and

let your work be done.

I know there is no God greater

than you

I know you are able!

I know you have a plan

and purpose in my life

and in Leah's life

I ask again for the wisdom

to stand out of the way

and let you do

what you do!

I ask this in Jesus name. Amen!

hi-ho the derry-o

hope..
floats around and dances with my desire
for my world to right itself
listening to you speak tonight
hope fluttered her watered soaked wings
tried to believe
tried to trust
wanted to so badly delve back into
that world of make believe
when you were
not an addict...
though when that was i sadly don't remember
hope has a troubling sense of humor
hi-ho the derry-o the cheese stands alone....
and i NEVER want to be the cheese again...
hope teases ... churning up thoughts you bury to
protect ones self
hope messes with the walls created to prevent
total annihilation of ones self
still... water soaked wings are
drying by infinitesimal increments...
Hebrews 11:1
faith ... the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen
Proverbs 13:12
hope deffered can make the heart sick...
but a dream fullfilled is the tree of life...
1 Corinthians 13:13
and now these three remain... faith... hope... and love
and greatests of these is love

in every corner of my life and world, i choose dreams fullfilled... i choose love.

The Elephant in the Room

windows of opportunity for you are closing by the moment

denial is cowering in the corner, but still has a hold

if onlys rein triumphant... teaming up with denial

despair is waiting his turn

when and how will this torment end

when did my power cease?

its your turn little goose

I pray you turn upward and find the answers

that are waiting for you

i am becoming anesthetized, you are my only child

and i have lost you, yet you still wander this earth.

I WANT my Leigh back! I want this horror to end!

please please please i beg...to deaf ears and vacant minds

I love you girly girl, come back to you! come back to me!

molecular genetics...

information is power... you can not bury your head in the sand...

* Molecular Genetics is the cause of addiction
*15% of the Population carries the gene
* Once the gene appears in the family 70% of the offspring are likely to carry the gene
*Addicts have higher IQs than most people. The bad news is that they have trouble shutting their minds down.
* Those afflicted are born at birth with lower Endorphine Levels
* Vicodin and Oxy are the most prominent route into Opiate Addiction
* Vicodin is now the # 1 reason behind Liver Transplant requests
* The first Opiate Addict was the wife of the man who invented the Hypodermic Syringe
* Celebrex is an excellent Non-Narcotic Pain Reliever for people coming off of surgeries

About Suboxone, the original drug was introduced as Subutex. A single compound. The second generation is Suboxone. Suboxone has two compounds. Subutex was getting to the streets and Addicts were mixing it with tranquillizers. It became known as "Irish Heroin". The second generation (Suboxone) doesn't work on the street.

Suboxone is far superior as a detox drug for Heroin because Methadone has difficulties.
A fact is that all addicts overdose prescriptions given them from Drs. So an addict will ALWAYS figure out away to dose themselves more than prescribed. High doses of Methadone can cause Respiratory Illness and Death. Methadone of course can be just as addictive as Heroin. Suboxone has a built in overdose govenor. If addicts overdose themselves they experience withdrawal symptoms. If they however stay at the prescribed dose withdrawal is treated.

frozen in time...

i sat frozen, thrown back in time

frozen in shock, in disbelief, in sadness

covering my head for protection i knew wouldn't come

getting hit on the head is horrible

pain reverberates,

my teeth throb

my eyes sting,

my blood vessels swell...

i swore never again in my life would i allow someone

to hit me on my head...

it stings! bad!

i cried out... begging you not to pound on me...

my mom was the last person, i was 13 years old...

she was in a drunken rage; reason? simply unknown...

hmmmmm...

thawed out, able to move, i pushed you off of me...

i got kicked in my stomach for my effort to escape

your assault.

petrified one of us was not going to leave this room

on our own accord.

think kaisha... please oh gosh... think... get out of here

leave and live.... stay with evil

you stood at the door screaming at me...

taunting my flight!

breaking my heart

my spine slumped

my steps faltered
darkness pours in to my soul

mocking my pain

panic-sticken i hid in the alley with

shame..

fear, despair, anguish, deperation...

run hide...

calling out to my God

pleading for this nightmare to end!

anger unleased...

directed at me
why?
even you
i would guess
do not know
your words
are like blunt force trauma
assaulting my senses
defecting your onslaught with prayer
almost throwing me into a spin
for once i can shut your words down
quickly
before you draw me into your
world
of prevarication, evil running a muck
where it has no business being...
i wish i could save you....
i thank my God, i am learning i cannot