What it’s like to be me
when you rage and thrash
and lash out with daggers disguised as words
and the shards of my broken heart pierce the bottom of
my stomach
anguish mixed with torment so intense breathing is unbearable
when your situation seems hopeless and I pray to my God
to bring you to him
and I know you will think that means I wish you
dead…
only dead from the life you have grown to know
dead to the fear that governs your thoughts
dead to the darkness that blocks the light you posses inside you
more where my thoughts travel … therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation;
the old has gone; the new has come
then… never will it matter who you were - only who you’ve become
I toss and turn on my pillow, sleep eludes me, prayers tumble out of my mouth and through my mind in tandem …
hot tears sting my eyes - seep down my cheeks
resignation is battled – but lost
I know this is not my war, not mine to wage
It is yours…
Forever and always - I love you, I pray you win!
Your Mom
then… never will it matter who you were - only who you’ve become
I toss and turn on my pillow, sleep eludes me, prayers tumble out of my mouth and through my mind in tandem …
hot tears sting my eyes - seep down my cheeks
resignation is battled – but lost
I know this is not my war, not mine to wage
It is yours…
Forever and always - I love you, I pray you win!
Your Mom
This is amazing, how you've captured all of the emotions that you feel, but amazingly you haven't lost hope that someday your child will life a different life someday than the living hell they are living today.
ReplyDeleteImagine this was written 8 years ago. And the tears and prayers are still being whispered into the night.
ReplyDeleteAnd here we are 2020, my daughter passed away 2 years ago. March 4th 2018. All my prayers, all my faith, all my believing in a better ending was for nothing. We had a 5 year break from the madness, she had a beautiful daughter, my sweet granddaughter. On her birthday she helped her daughter get ready for church, we went to church. When we came back home she was dead. Dead! Gone! Such sadness!
ReplyDeleteDo I believe in God, do I have faith, will I become bitter and angry?
These last two years have a been a journey of everything unknown.